Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
