hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
