I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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