We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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