I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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