Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
