so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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