She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
