I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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