So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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