If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
