Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
