lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
