Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
