The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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