I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
