Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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