I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
