I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
