Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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