I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
In America we eat man semen.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
