omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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