you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
