your parents love me but you hate me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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