I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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