Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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