JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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