I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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