he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
