I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
