a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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