just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
