Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
