Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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