I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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