I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
