Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
