I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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