I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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