I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
