Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
