I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
