I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
