God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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