shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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