will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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