kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
