he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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