Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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