I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
