Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
