So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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