im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
