Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
