i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
