wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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