So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
