If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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