I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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