Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
