I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
