Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
