you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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