i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
