think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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