Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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