Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
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You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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